Category Archives: Relationships

“So Do Natural Hair Girls Get Hit On?”

That was the question asked by a single black male and then it was discussed by natural hair girls around America. I even posted the question to a few friends of mine on Facebook and we came up with this. One of my girls (lying) said that she doesn’t get hit on anymore LOL Lies!! She recently went back to wearing her curly hair, but she’s been natural like forever. The consensus is really that our audience tends to be more diverse when we wear our natural hair. IMO (b/c I don’t want to misquote anyone 🙂 its like asking the question, do I get hit on more when I look like a bum? Yes. Why? It’s because you’re more approachable, when you look too high-maintenance men tend to be more intimidated and look the other way.

Honestly, what seems to make a difference is my mood. If I’m in a happy light hearted mood, I am approached easily. However, if I’m projecting a negative angry (grr) energy, I don’t get approached. People can sense energy. Even though the article is true, you would never expect anything less from Jill Scott, India Irie, NEW! Chrisette Michelle, Corrine Bailey Rae etc to sing anything else but honest, empowering music that touches you in an emotional feel good way. You also don’t see them stripped down to their panties, bent over touching their ankles….. in their videos. But you also don’t see every weave wearing, permed hair black woman performing a strip show on tv.

Natural hair women have a lot to face when it comes to acceptance from others. Some people can’t appreciate it, don’t understand it, don’t want it — but that doesn’t matter. The ONLY thing that matters is how you feel about yourself. If a guy is going to go for the “easy win” as the author suggests — you don’t want his tired ass anyway! Who wants a lame?! Who wants a guy who will settle for 2nd best? If he settles for 2nd best in his womanen he will most certainly settle in many other ways in his life.

Being natural is also like a 2nd enlightenment and it’s true many of us have made a distinct truthful choice to really start appreciating ourselves for who we are. At the end of the day sometimes, it’s just hair, damn! But it’s really true, we are sometimes a more militant & enlightened group & we don’t & won’t play that foolery. We know that money isn’t everything and it surely can’t buy you love. We expect you to go hard or go home. We know what we want, we go for it, and we get it!

Click for a link to the article.


VH1 Basketball Wives

OK I have mixed emotions about this show. I don’t even really want to look up all the characters names. What pissed me off first is that it seems that black people in sports & entertainment are the only ones worthy of reality shows. I saw a tweet the other day that said… something along the lines of “I asked a black athlete why he only dates Asian women and never black women, and he said because of Basketball Wives.”

What I want to say to this is something that I can’t really express fully, you’d have to sit me down for dinner with a nice  glass of rum & coke. But, what I will say & did respond is that, if you get your views of black woman from ONE reality show, then you’re ignorant. Not your views, not your personality, YOU are an ignorant person. It’s like the census, black people come from all over the world, but somehow one word– (no wait it’s black, african american and negro) is used to define us. We come from all over the world, have different upbringings, attitudes and beliefs. For someone to categorize us from a reality show is absurd.

So I said, let me watch the show; plus, I was curious to see what Shaunie was up to. Some of the women have had the self respect, worth and courage to leave their trifiling husbands. The strength, especially in America (where money is usually equated with your level of happiness) to start over, to decide not to take the BS of not just groupies, but a husband’s blatant indiscretion and disrespect to yourself AND your family is incredible!

I respect women who respect themselves & it’s sad to watch beautiful woman like Jennifer Williams lose her dignity (I’m sure a little more over every episode) until she gets a backbone and decides to leave her husband. Did you see them @ Mr. Chows (I believe) the way he sat back and slapped his mouth eating those ribs?? You can really never buy class… LOL she was clearly embarrased and he couldn’t care less. Why? She hasn’t set any standards. He blatantly told her–no you can’t come with me tonight, it’s not your place. wow it’s ok to talk to your wife like that. umm ok so I don’t know these people personally–but let’s move to the party in Miami when she confronts Plastic Surgery. Really, I understand some women are very very persistent and persuasive, but umm are you really worried about Plastic Surgery–when your husband has told you to your face & in front of millions –that it’s not your place to be with him, you can’t roll with him… wha??

I wish her the best & deep down a woman will never be happy when her husband, boyfriend or even love interest is unfaithful. Infidelity takes a toll on any relationship. It is the ultimate betrayal! Just the thought of it makes me cringe *shudders* No Fendi bag, Range Rover or million dollar home should replace your self-worth & self-respect. Maya Angelou said,  “black women have resilience, whether we like it or not.” I truly agree with that, we are soldiers (Soldiers of Love 🙂 as Sade would sing) and I want to see more of us act like that. Don’t allow yourself to be disrespected & disregarded. Don’t allow yourself to be tainted for the next man. Find peace & happiness in life–it’s the only way to truly be open for life’s blessings.

Let’s hope to see more of  Shaunie on the show & see her being  that role model for ALL of the women. One with class, respect and pride and not phoniness and cowardice.

This is not written from a preachy POV, it has taken me time to learn how to not be bored and demand the respect I deserve. I’m NEVER bored. I’m not a millionaire. I work a 9-5, design t-shirts, exercise, spend time with family, write, travel, volunteer, donate money, eat & do all the other things a normal 28 year old would do :-* A key to life is to always have a hobby. Always have something that you enjoy doing, something that does not infringe upon and hurt others , of course. Take up a new form of dance or art–some kind of creativity — finance class even (that will SURELY keep you busy!) But do something so that you never lose yourself in a whirlwind of the fast life & money.

So much to talk about

There have been so many thoughts running through my head & they always come to me while I’m traveling on the train. I think I’ll really have to trade in my Bberry touch for one with a key pad, so I can start my mobile blogging.

Well let’s start this one off with “Let’s Talk About Pep” Episode 8, the season finale. First, I have to say that I used to watch this whevenver it came on but have forgotten about it lately. I actually tuned in to watch full episodes of “Basketball Wives” after watching it last night & reading the article, “She’s Got Next!” about Shaunie O’Neal (Shaq’s ex-wife) in Essence Magazine–oh and reading Jill Scott’s article, “I’m Just Saying.” This is the issue with Zoe Saldana on the cover… It’s also the magazine with the Gemini horoscope that says “Stop the back-and-forth in your relationship and find out what’s really going on.” Oh, it also said to, “get over the ‘get rich quick’ schemes.”

Let me also say that (this could be another post entirely) that in Episode 7 of Let’s Talk About Pep… Jacque Reid checks out her new friend’s Facebook page & discovers some things that she dislikes, particularly making reference to his comment “freak-a-leek” and also about the women who seem to be constantly coming on to him. I’ve done the online dating & truth be told when you find things like that on Facebook (which will bring me back to Basketball Wives) it’s not to be ignored.

Anyway, I almost forgot what this post was about *scrolls up* Oh yes! Pep! After reading “I’m Just Sayin” on the train this morning, I mean.. I’m kind of over the big issues with interracial dating. Jill refers to the sting of seeing a black man with a white woman as “betrayal.” I don’t feel betrayed anymore. I believe watching couples like Pep & Tom enjoy a true (we will see, but it does look mushy and genuine) romance, I’m thinking to myself “why do we as black women continue to feel betrayed, burned, upset etc? Why do black women continue to think that all they have is  what’s presented in front of them, especially when we have the entire world out there??

My philo is that if you expand your options, you are not  concerned about restrictions… you feel free & happy. Why? Because you have all of your options & you are truly open to love, no matter what shape, size or color it presents itself with. Truth be told if Pep had not (IMO) explored her other options, she would not have met Tom. A man, who seriously… cooks, is intelligent, responsive, caring, sweet. Maybe she would have tried to pursue the man @ the Gansevoort who just wanted to sleep with her… umm descriptively telling her where his room was–or it could have been the one from the club, with the crazy body–who we know would have ultimately just turned into one lusty make out repeat session– even that gets tired, no matter how great the body and the kiss.

I think in the final episode, everyone (except Jacque) admitted to having to step up their standards– not only for themselves but for their partner or love interest. It’s not OK to not set standards for yourself & others. You should always set a standard for how you want to be treated, how you want to be courted, loved, etc. I just loved seeing the women set great standards, define what they want and demand it.

Joumana admitted that bad boys are “safe.” Why? They’re safe because we don’t expect anything from them, we don’t have to open our hearts to the possibility or worse, heart break. Truth is that, as I approach 30 *gasp* well next year– I have really started to open my heart to love & possibilities that are out of my comfort zone. It’s exciting, worth the wait & I hope black women will do so to find love, be happy and stop feeling the sting of “betrayal.”